Naptime Struggles

On days like today, I can almost... almost... see how parents can go berzerk and beat the living daylights out of their own child. I'm so. SO. SOOOO sick of dealing with naptime and bedtime with Rory. Its going on THREE FUCKING HOURS of him getting his little ass out of bed. I've taken toys away. I've promised a reward for staying in bed. I praised him to no end the other day for taking a good nap and not getting out of bed. I finally have resorted to swatting his butt, and now spanking. I just did the horrid "cheek pinch" and growled in his face a threat to spank him hard if he got out of bed again. Something my mother used to do. *shudder* I've turned into my mother. My fucking God... I can see why she acted the way she did. Kids are so damn irritating sometimes.

Hmm...

I need some lighter topics on this blog. I'm sounding like my entire marriage and life sucks. It doesn't, really, but this is my place to write about the bad days. And lately, life has been extremely stressful with many huge life decisions going on and we've both been just trying to get by. So, pardon all the negativity. Hopefully I'll have some lighter topics soon.

Mother's Day Update

I should probably follow up and end this dramatic story.

When Rory woke up, Max gave him a card to give to me. Two, actually. One from Rory and one from him. I opened the card from Rory and left Max's card. He acted stunned that I didn't want to open it. I told him I didn't want anything from him at this point. Gifts were not necessary, it would have been nice to just have been shown some appreciation for being the Mother of his children that day. And since he did the opposite and made me feel like a worthless piece of crap all day, his gift meant nothing to me.

We went to the inlaws. The ride over he told me we need to go to therapy or counseling or whatever. (we've discussed this recently, as we've realized that in the past 2 years we've gone downhill, become distant etc). But then he mentions that *I* need therapy by myself as well... as *I* am not myself anymore. *I* am the reason he reacts the way he does to me.

Hmm. Sure. Whatever.

He then goes on about how hurt he is that I didn't wake him up, that it was so rude of me to make him look like the bad guy etc etc. Well, that still doesn't give you reason to treat me like a piece of dirt, especially on Mother's Day.

The whole time at my inlaws he was kissing butt, trying to be nice. I told him to turn the show off and that I could see through it. It was a silent night at our house.

The next day when he got home from work he said he'd been thinking, and that I was right. He was wrong and it was his fault he didn't wake up and he was mad at himself for going back to bed and instead of taking responsibility he tried to put the blame anywhere else except for himself. He apologized and I told him fine. He still didn't apologize or acknowledge the fact that he RUINED Mother's Day for me. Instead of making me feel special and appreciated, he made me feel small and worthless and uncared for. I guess we'll see how nice I am on Father's Day....

What a GREAT Mother's Day thus far

Taste my sarcasm, please.

I woke up this morning to hearing my husband yell at Rory. Rory was up, wanted to play (it was 7:30ish) and hubby wanted to sleep on the couch (FYI... he sleeps on the couch as of lately... he snores like the world is ending, and I'm pregnant and need my sleep). I was able to sleep in for another half hour or so... and then got up to my husband STILL sleeping on the couch, Rory parked in front of the tv with a bowl of dry cereal and, well, that's it.

So I snuggled with Rory for a bit, mentally giving thanks for him that he is what made me a mother. I just love him to pieces.

I hopped in the shower as it was a bit after 8 at this point and we had plans to meet my mom for breakfast around 9/9:30. I got in the shower, was interrupted a few times by Rory (remember... husband is still SLEEPING), and finally locked the bathroom door to get some peace and quiet. I got out of the shower and heard our bedroom door shut. Max had decided 9am wasn't long enough to sleep... so he went back to our bed. Nice.

I got ready, got Rory ready and the two of us set out on Mother's Day to take ourselves out to breakfast, along with my mom. We did have a nice breakfast.

Its now almost 11:30. We're home. Max is sleeping still. Rory and I are playing.

I wonder how much more special this day can get.

*************
I finish up some laundry. Get Rory a snack for lunch (we're still both a bit full from brunch). I begin cleaning up his toys and get him ready for his nap. We're laying in bed, getting ready to cuddle and read a book when Max walks in... at 12:15pm. Just woke up.

"I thought we were going to breakfast with your mom."

"We did."

"WHAT?! Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Because you WERE up at 9am and you apparently thought you needed more sleep and went back to bed, remember?"

"I only went into our bedroom to lay down. I FORGOT we were going to breakfast!"

(no fucking shit, sherlock... to SLEEP... on MOTHER'S DAY!")

So he slammed the door. Pissed.

I laid with Rory for awhile, talking with him and playing with his hair and then decided to retreat to do some crafty stuff alone in the basement.

Max comes down here (its now almost 1pm) and barks at me about getting our brother's birthday cards, and where are they? And then "I can't believe you went without me. That's fucking rude."

Of course. Of course its my fault. Its my fault YOU chose to sleep in on Mother's Day... the day that is supposed to be for me. Its MY fault 9am wasn't good enough for you to sleep in until, and that YOU made the choice to go back to our bed to sleep more. When the fuck did you think we were going to breakfast? Are you not adult enough to think "Hmm... its 9am. If I want to get ready and be out the door for breakfast, I should get up soon."

So I sit here alone. In my office. Trying not to let tears spill down my face because of him. I'm not going to let him make me cry. I'm not letting him ruin my gratitude for my two little boys that are so precious to me. Never mind that I've spent nearly 2 years of my life incubating his children and he can't even show any appreciation for me on Mother's Day.

The only people who have told me Happy Mother's Day is my mom, my MIL, my friend and the waitress at the restaurant.

Life's a fucking bitch.

********************

I guess I'll continue to vent on here, as my day seems to be getting worse and worse. I'm trying to enjoy myself... trying to enjoy some peace and quiet in my office and catch up on blogging, internet etc etc. while Rory is sleeping.

Only... Max keeps whipping open my door to put bills away, ask where my credit card is so he can pay bills, throw a stack of papers on my desk from upstairs and tell me I need to put them away. Ask where he should file some new paperwork we have and I tell him "I don't care" and he retorts "Why do I even ask you anything?" And throughout it all he throws in some guilt jabs saying that he can't believe I didn't wake him up to go to breakfast, and that's quite possibly the rudest thing I've ever done. And once again, he looks like an ass while I look like the good guy and 'no wonder your friends all think I'm an ass.' No, honey, YOU do a good job of that on your own.

And then he asks if I bought his mom a Mother's Day card and when I say "Yes, its on the table upstairs"

he says "Which one!"

"The one to a MOM"

"OH the one I just filled out for YOUR mom, and put her gift card in and sealed?"

"I already gave my mom a card"

"Oh? Without the gift card for her?"

"Yes, I didn't know where you had put it."

"It was on the counter... the card that says ME-NARDS on it. (as if I'm an idiot) Well, NOW the card is filled out for YOUR mom."

"Well, I guess you need to go to the store and buy your mom another card!"

"Why don't you just sit down here on the computer all day! Don't even go today. Don't even go with us" (we have plans to eat dinner with his family this evening)

Door slams. Tears fall.

I guess I'm not supposed to enjoy this day whatsover.

Husband and unfair schedules

Where do I start. Well... lets get some background. My husband is taking night classes to get a degree. He's gone 2-3 night a week each trimester (his school has trimesters rather than semesters). His classes are usually 6-10pm and he's usually out the door at 5pm, rarely eating dinner with us on those nights. This past trimester has sucked... I'm pregnant, he's been gone 3 nights a week, Rory has been in his terrible twos, and husband has also decided he wants to be on a weekly golf league. I thought that was fair, since he doesn't really have "him" time. I go out about once a month with some girlfriends for "me" time, and I plan time inbetween those nights to have a few hours to myself.

Now... lately I feel like I rarely get any help around the house. I'm home along 3-4 nights a week with a two year old and when Max gets home after class or golf he goes straight to bed. Those 3-4 nights I'm practically a single mom, left with all the housework. Yes, he helps out on the other nights/days that he's home... but how is it fair that I don't get any help on the nights he has class/golf?

And... how would HE feel if I did a weekly "girls night" for myself? Well... let me tell you. I brought all this to his attention. Told him that while I support him and encourage him to do things for himself (golf) and I have no problem with it, I do have a problem when his involvement around the house and helping me/his family is slacking. I suggested he drop the golf league in exchange for a monthly "guys night" of golf just like I have my monthly "girls night."

Well... he didn't like that. He argued that he supported us while I was in school for 5 years (although...we didn't have kids then... and even when I was in school full time I still made the same income as I do now as I work part time now, so my income for our family has not changed) and that now is his time to be in school. Mind you... I bugged him for YEARS before we had kids to go to school and he complained that we couldn't afford it then. However... we take out student loans now, and thats the same that we'd have done back then. I tried to argue that yes we have kids now, but that doesn't mean he gets to slack on house/family duties on the nights he has class. He made the choice to wait until we had kids to go to school so that is what he has to sacrifice.

Anyhow... he basically could not see my point of view... he tried to say he does do his fair share. But my word.... for him to do anything I have to ASK. When I come home from work I immediately pick up things around the house. What does he do when he comes home? Checks his email and goes to bed (or.. nights he doesn't have class/ golf... he watches tv or plays with Rory... doesn't voluntarily do housework unless I've requested his help).

So, I told him fine. You have your three nights a week you're out of the house. You take your WEEKLY guys night. I'm going to start planning a WEEKLY girls night for myself... Fridays are now MY night, so don't plan to see me on Friday's. He stuttered and tried to change the stipulations and say that Fri, Sat, Sun are "family" days... that I should do my thing on Wednesdays. OH NO... don't try to dictate when *I* get to do my thing when I'm stuck in this house three nights a week while you're away and responsibility free.

BLEH! I know this is rambling. I'm just fuming. I hate to take a night a week away from our family time... it makes me feel guilty. We already have barely any time as a family together because his schedule is so packed, but how else do I the point across to him that at this point him taking a weekly night to himself is SELFISH and unfair to me? I have no problem if he did a monthly deal like I do, but I guess that's not enough for him. I suppose I'll just have to be selfish as well and hope he'll see how me being gone one measly night a week is not so fun... and that I have to be home while he's gone THREE nights a week.

Am I being completely unreasonable???

I could wring my husbands neck right now...

I just got our AT&T bill... the one that is a "bundle service"... our home phone, long distance, high speed internet, digital cable and cell phone all wrapped in one.

Its $100 more this month than normal. Why? Because my husband purchased a $55 PPV of a fucking Wrestlemania Match. He paid $55 fucking dollars to watch moronic adult men kick the shit out of each other with metal chairs.

On top of that one purchase, there were about $15 in other PPV movie purchases as well. And he wonders why we're so broke all the time... let's see... he constantly brings home ice cream from the local Dairy Treat, he comes home with Subway or take out or fast food after his night classes instead of just eating our food when he gets home... gee.. all that ADDS UP!

UGHHHH!